Sometimes I feel like I'm on a roller coaster, yes I know that's a symptom of Bi-polar, not the roller coaster of extreme highs and lows but of my patience with life in general. My kids get to deal with it the most of course, like yesterday, I had tons of patience for most of the day and then DS got into something of mine, that I had repeatedly told him to stay out of and had put out of the way, when I saw him with it and the lengths he'd gone to get to it I was just so mad that I grabbed him and put him in his room until I could cool off enough to not beat his butt, hurting my foot along the way.
My First Step
I know it sounds cliche' but for me the first step is to recognize that you are depressed and want to do something about it, the worst form of depression that I've ever dealt with is one of apathy, I just find it extremely hard to care about anything. The first time I realized that I was depressed this way was after many conversations with my roommate at the time where she kept saying that she thought I was really depressed and I thought she was nuts. I slowly started to realize that everything she was saying was true, I had lost interest in almost anything that I usually found so much joy in and could sleep a lot more than usual I just didn't have the deep sadness that I had always noticed before.
The Gift of Depression
I know what you’re thinking, depression is generally considered a disease not a gift but I’m here to tell you that a gift is exactly what I have found depression can be if you choose to look at it that way and that no matter how bad your depression is you can use these steps to help it be that way for you too. (This doesn't mean you can go off your medication.)
My whole life I’ve dealt with depression, mostly my own but others as well since mental illness runs very strongly on one side of my family. As a kid I thought I was the only one who felt so down all the time, I had no idea what depression was or that it was even possible for young kids to have it and with all the hormones of puberty it got a lot worse, I contemplated suicide and struggled at school, my undiagnosed ADD wasn't helping either. One day I was talking to my mom and I opened up to her about how I felt like I had this black hole inside me making everything that should be good seem so "ugh", and that's when my mom told me about how she had struggled with depression when she was younger and how she learned to look at it as a chance to break down all her thoughts and feelings about herself and her life and then build herself back up again even better and stronger than before. All of a sudden not only was I not alone anymore but I had something to hold on to that gave me hope and helped me dig my way out of the hole and start filling it up with tools that would help me get back up whenever I fell. I knew that to build muscle you actually have to damage your muscles and challenge them and that to build a strong immune system you have to get sick, could it really be that my emotions worked the same way? Well, I'm here to tell you that for me at least that's exactly how it works and now I'm a completely different person than that 13 year old girl that confided in her mom all those years ago and much happier, in fact I'd say my life is pretty terrific.
I'm not saying that it was or is always easy and I'm no expert but I do know that these steps and tools helped me to turn what had always been so painful into something that, although I'll never exactly look forward to it, can help me be a better, more loving person. I'd like to use this blog to share with you the things I've learned and at the very least give you hope that there is a road through depression that can lead to a wonderful and fulfilling life.
My whole life I’ve dealt with depression, mostly my own but others as well since mental illness runs very strongly on one side of my family. As a kid I thought I was the only one who felt so down all the time, I had no idea what depression was or that it was even possible for young kids to have it and with all the hormones of puberty it got a lot worse, I contemplated suicide and struggled at school, my undiagnosed ADD wasn't helping either. One day I was talking to my mom and I opened up to her about how I felt like I had this black hole inside me making everything that should be good seem so "ugh", and that's when my mom told me about how she had struggled with depression when she was younger and how she learned to look at it as a chance to break down all her thoughts and feelings about herself and her life and then build herself back up again even better and stronger than before. All of a sudden not only was I not alone anymore but I had something to hold on to that gave me hope and helped me dig my way out of the hole and start filling it up with tools that would help me get back up whenever I fell. I knew that to build muscle you actually have to damage your muscles and challenge them and that to build a strong immune system you have to get sick, could it really be that my emotions worked the same way? Well, I'm here to tell you that for me at least that's exactly how it works and now I'm a completely different person than that 13 year old girl that confided in her mom all those years ago and much happier, in fact I'd say my life is pretty terrific.
I'm not saying that it was or is always easy and I'm no expert but I do know that these steps and tools helped me to turn what had always been so painful into something that, although I'll never exactly look forward to it, can help me be a better, more loving person. I'd like to use this blog to share with you the things I've learned and at the very least give you hope that there is a road through depression that can lead to a wonderful and fulfilling life.
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