Getting Past Overwhelmed

Have you ever had a mess that you knew you needed to clean but it just seemed SO BIG that you didn't even know where to start? I was cleaning my house and thinking about how I tackle that and how it compares to how I tackle my depression. I've always been one of those people who is either super organized or a complete mess. I tend to clean in spurts, my house will stay pretty clean for a while and then I'll get lax and it turns into a HUGE mess practically overnight and it stays that way until I've finally had enough and decide to tackle it head on.

15 Minute Holidays (Self-Care)

Here are just a few things you can do for self care in 15 min. or less.

Get Moving!

One of the things you've GOT to do when you are depressed is to GET MOVING, it doesn't matter too much what you do as long as it's something that you can look back on and think "I'm SO glad I did that". I like to do things in 15 minute increments, it makes everything seem so much more do able, as flylady.net says "You can do anything for 15 minutes."

Feeling a Little Better Every Day

I'm finally past the worst of my current episode of depression, it doesn't mean that I still don't have bad days but at least they are fewer and farther apart and they don't last as long. Hope, it's what I hold on to and it's what keeps me going, knowing that I've done this many times before and that not only will I get through this but that I will come out the other end with a renewed sense of self and a stronger, better person all around. That is the gift that I've found with my depression, the diamond in the pit of coal, it may be hard and it may be painful but at least I can use it as a tool to help me be the person I want to be.

I feel a little like the apostle Paul when he talked about his infirmity that God wouldn't heal (2 Corinthians 12: 7-10) I have found that through this "infirmity" comes several blessings, it pushes me to allow others to help me, it forces me to slow down and re-prioritize, it helps me to be more patient and understanding of others as well as helping me become a better stronger individual, and best of all, at least I hope, it helps me to help others because of my empathy and understanding.

I'm not where I want to be yet and I still have a long road ahead of me but at least I can see the light at the end of the tunnel again.

.......

Recently as I was talking to a friend I realized that I was much more upset about some relatively recent events than I had realized and that I wasn't going to be able to do anything more to get out of my depression until I resolved them. Not long ago I was confronted by someone who said that she had been told that I had said some very mean and hurtful things about her to other people, I felt terrible and confused but we talked about it for quite a while and I thought that the matter was finished until I realized that I still feel really hurt by the incident.

At first I really questioned myself, am I really that bad of a person, am I a gossip and don't realize it? I am really open and chatty, did I say something and not realize that it could have come across very differently than I meant it? I'm sure that the last part is very possibly true, it is easy to mean to say one thing but have it come across very differently. I have really been working on that and thinking more about what I want to say before I say it, I've also been MUCH more careful about who I talk to since there is only one person that could have spread what I said, being that the other person doesn't even live here.

I'm not just really upset about the fact that I was the source of hurting someone else, no matter how unintended and misunderstood, I'm also really upset that she believed that I would say those things or that I would do what I did for less than purely good reasons, I mean, I was doing something that helped her out for months and she never, not even when I tried to point it out in our conversation seemed to think; one, that what they were saying was not something I would do, and two, that what she was asking of me was too much to ask EVERY week. I really was happy to do it, don't get me wrong, I just didn't want to do that much every single week and it was getting to be a little more and a little more over time, not less or sporadic.

I'm sure that's where I made my first mistake, I was so concerned with making sure that she felt comfortable that I didn't set up perimeters that kept me comfortable as well, next, I shared my frustration with someone that I should have realized I couldn't trust.

All of this along with another incident where I asked someone to help me out with something and she went behind my back to take it over completely and then hasn't talked to me since, really had me questioning if I'm really as good of a person as I thought I was. It took a WHOLE LOT, of talking to my sweet husband and several other people who I know will be completely honest with me to even get to where I am now with it. I'm still hurt, I'm still..., I dont even really know how to describe it but I am doing better and I do at least know how I can help avoid this situation in the future so I do have some hope, and that's all I need to keep moving forward and upward out of all of this %^$)*)^%*)!(#$.

Finding Center

After at least selfless act, the next thing that I start working on is finding my center. I've found that I really need to take the time to do a full self-evaluation, the good and the bad, where I've been, where I am, where I want to go and who I want to be.